Hello there. It's been a hot minute. Sorry I don't do this constantly...it's been 6 year I doubt I'm changing any time soon. So I'm worried If I don't give a few life updates this story won't make much sense. So here's the bullet knows about my life:
- I left my job in San Antonio almost a year ago to follow a calling back into Youth Ministry - specifically Middle School!
- Currently I live in Kentucky and am serving at Middle School Pastor of a large non-denominational church
- I've been navigating the world of Non-Denominational, heavy evangelical worship and I love it
- I love everything about how God's changed my world: my friends, my job, my students, my city, my co-workers, my calling.
- Grief is still my story, and I'm still figuring out how to live in response to grief and trauma - it's a daily grind
Anyways, now that we've got that out of the way here's something amazing that happened to me recently:
Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with the revival going on out at Asbury that has been going on since Wednesday of last week. If you are unfamiliar with the story, the short version is the university had its normal chapel time last Wednesday. At the end of that time there were students who felt moved by the Holy Spirit to sit and linger a little longer in worship and in prayer. These students were obedient to that soft tugging of the heart that many believers have felt before, but what God did through that has blown out of any proportion that we have metric or words for. As of Thursday, February 16 at 5:00pm people are still in Hughes Chapel and two other sights on campus and the adjacent seminary worshiping, praying, healing, repenting, and simply being in the presence of God.
One of my very close friends Caleigh was the first to share with me what was going on there. She’s had a first hand perspective as she is currently teaching in the youth ministry department and has had a front row seat to it all. I’d like to say that I jumped at the chance to go see this thing that was happening, but that wasn’t the case. I share this because it leads into a few of the key things I experienced.
My background with church has been quite different from the heavy evangelical community I find myself in today - honestly my experience and comfort level with the Holy Spirit and work of the Holy Spirit has been minimal at best. I’ve always believed in a God who works in the supernatural, that meaning beyond the natural world we can feel, smell, touch, hear, and taste around us…but it always freaked me out a little bit. But I can think of some very distinguished moments that I’ve felt the movement and heavy presence of the Holy Spirit before. Some of those special moments include:
Worshiping in Ukraine in both Russian and English when I was 17 on a mission trip. There also having the opportunity to share my testimony and the power of hearing your words about God spoken in someone else's language and realizing it’s the same God we worship
The moment of surrender where I finally said yes God’s call into to full time ministry at Student Life Camp the summer after my senior year of high school and peace I felt in that
At my sorority’s winter retreat on an evening filled with worship, public confession, repentance, and prayer
Watching my friends I served as a counselor with at Eagle Lake Camp be baptized in a neighborhood pool and worshiping together afterwards
Worshiping at New Room Conference and being anointed to go and do ministry
The All City worship night at NECC lead by the touring cast of broadway’s The Lion King
All of those moments are cemented in my mind as moments I can only really describe as being thick with the Spirit - you felt in the room as if you could cut it with a knife the air around you. Those moments are about community, surrender, prayer, adoration, confession, transformation, and repentance. What’s going on as Asbury is all those things and more. There’s hardly enough words, at least human ones, to describe what the rawness of God’s presence was like. But I’m going to try and say a few more things than I already have about my five hours at Asbury.
I love the way Caleigh put it in debriefing my experience. Walking into that moment and space was like walking into a very “thin space in the overlap of heaven and earth.” But even before you got into the chapel you could already feel something different was happening. When I drove into Wilmore I turned left onto the road in front of the chapel to see what was going on. At the time, I was WAY out of my comfort zone and there were a few reasons why. First my anxiousness around an event happening around the movement of the Holy Spirit that was very different from my past experiences.
What if I walked in and felt nothing?
What if it seemed scary?
What if I heard something I just don’t have a whole lot of experience with like speaking in tongues or prophecy happening?
Am I going to have to process something I don't understand fully and have avoided seeking wisdom about?
Then there was the reality of other things I knew would happen:
What if I come face to face with real sin I have going on in my life?
What if I feel compelled to confession, obviously I’m going to have to do it?
What if old wounds of the past bubble up and I get emotional?
What if I cry in front of strangers?
On the hour drive out to Asbury every single one of those things and more floated around in my head, but as soon as I turned onto the road the chapel was on and saw the crowds, heard the music, felt the atmosphere, it was all gone. Every single fear I’d had driving in was erased and I couldn’t find a parking space fast enough. On my walk up to the chapel you passed people leaving and could see the brightness on their faces and hear the joy in their voices. I heard conversations about healing and peace that happened. I saw people standing praying together. The stairs up to the chapel were filled with people kneeling and praying, sitting and laughing together, heads bowed over Bibles, and kids playing with each other on the lawn. Even though it was cold the doors were open and you could hear the worship pouring forth from the chapel.
When you walked in the lobby there were people greeting those coming in, offering snacks and water with great big smiles. There was a white board where people had left prayer requests. Even though I was alone, I immediately felt like I was amongst friends. I felt welcome, like this is where I’ve always belonged.
I walked in and sat down near the back around 5:00pm, and for the next five hours here’s a few of the things I experienced:
The Peace
Last week was a little bit of a tumultuous week for me. I was carrying a lot in my mind and on my heart when I walked into worship. Within moments of sitting down and breathing it all in, all of those things immediately started to lift. The longer I sat, even physically the more I relaxed and felt the weight of everything melt away. This has been a very common experience I’ve heard from those who have gone. In reflecting on the experience, how I would explain it is the recognition that all of those things still existed and had happened, but I was seated before the one who holds all things together - including the people, events, and things I was experiencing anxiety over. And in sitting with the Father in those things I found an ease of surrendering those to Him. Sometimes I have mistaken apathy towards something as peace, or if not apathy then loss of hope and simply giving up on something as peace - The moment of “well I can’t do anything about it so I guess I just should move on”. This wasn’t it - I walked in with everything and walked out with it as well. But I also walked out with an assurance to God knew, God had seen, and God was working. All things I know in my brain, but here I felt in my heart of hearts to be true. I felt free to sit unburdened by those things and really focus on God’s love for each situation and person I was also holding tight in my heart and mind.
The People
Currently, one of my biggest struggles is watching just the state of the world and loss of faith in humanity. Sometimes I wonder if there are really good people out there. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever find unity amongst believers. My heart breaks for Generation Z and the world they are navigating, to the point where I wonder sometimes if there’s hope for them at all. I will also confess, for Gen Z who has adamantly rejected faith and Jesus I’ve even had times of anger and blame toward them…Very jaded, very negative I know. If there’s anything that I feel like I see more than I want to these days it’s the real evidence of where Jesus says the world will hate me and reject you. So when I walked in and saw hundreds of people worshiping, together, with one voice and one mind it brought hope to many of those worries. Not only did I see believers in front of me worship, but God was using the very generation I fear for and struggle to love as the conduit for this outpouring of the Spirit to happen through. Watching college students be the ones leading so bravely and authentically in this worship was both humbling and encouraging. This movement has been said to be by Gen Z and for Gen Z. If you are reading this, please stop now and praise God for Gen Z. Lift them in prayer that they will continue to be a light shining in the darkness of their homes, schools, and communities. Pray for a vulnerability to praise you openly and choose a life that glorifies God over self - choose what is true and what is good by God’s standards and not the world’s. These are the next leaders of the church, and praise God for raising up another generation who is ready to love God and love others. My phrase recently has been “so that the world may know”, and these college students are doing it. May this time, their effort, and these stories be remembered as the next Great Awakening, not that their names be lifted on high, but that God’s will.
People are coming from far and wide to experience the real presence of God. I heard conversations around me of people from surrounding states like Ohio, Tennessee, and Indiana. I’ve read stories on social media of people driving for hours to come worship. Watching people who have chosen to make it a priority to drop everything and come leaves me speechless - and convicted. Looking back now, it took me way too long to do the same. My list of excuses seem so trivial and meaningless now. Why did I wait? Why did I let anything else take priority over obedience? I am reminded of just how thirsty people are for God, how we are made to be longing for that closeness of relationship with him. I want to be that person who is so thirsty for God that I’d be willing to drop everything and run to worship him.
The Same Spirit
This one maybe is what I felt God gently whispering to me during my time there. The thoughts in my head over and over again were “wow, God’s really here right now, I really feel Him.” In response, I had scripture like Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8, and James 1:17 come to mind. All of these scripture point to God being never changing, never ceasing, always present. I pondered on the truth that this same Spirit of God I’m feeling and seeing the effects of right now is the same one that is with me in my driest moments, my loneliest moments, and every single moment where I wonder if God is actually there. God has promised us through scripture that there’s nowhere we can go to escape His presence. So no matter what state I may be in, the one thing that never changes is God is present and powerful with me at all times. How wonderful and beautiful is it to have a God who is both big and grand and powerful, but also close and personal and intimate.
Revival and Hope for the Church
Similar to my feelings about Generation Z, it’s weighed heavy on my heart watching the state of the modern Western church. I won’t get into every single complaint I have about the modern church, especially the modern American church - I’m sure you can imagine some of my criticisms and likely share them. But in witnessing the worship happening at Asbury I have a renewed hope in what will come from those who feel revived. I have been praying heavily this: that those who have made the trip to Asbury, whether pastors, college students, parents, teachers, or congregation members, will all take it back to their context and light the flame of revival and awakening where they are. Again, the Spirit is present everywhere and has the ability to move in the same ways EVERYWHERE, should we be willing to have the same obedience as those original Asbury students last week. I believe we are going to see a new wave of energy and faithfulness in churches connected to this revival. I pray for a Church (with a big C) who loves Jesus and remembers its identity as the Bride of Christ. I long for a day where we do not see division as we do now, where stories of church hurt and trauma are no more. Where houses of worship are bursting at the seams with people desiring to come to the foot of the cross. I pray for a Church of generosity, faithfulness, justice, love, and holiness. I pray for unity under one name - the name of Jesus. I have hope for the future of the church.
There’s other things I don’t quite have words to explain exactly what I felt and saw. Things like a euphoria of the Spirit, how five hours felt like five minutes, how every to-do list or worry just seemed so trivial when there’s a wonderful God to worship. There’s more private things like moments of confession and repentance in a way I’ve never experienced before, or an invitation to really wrestle with God over things I wish were different. But ultimately, what words to use when you can FEEL the celebration that heaven was also having because God’s people have come together to worship freely and authentically. I feel like I witness heaven - like I’ve tasted and seen the goodness that’s to come when Christ returns, and man am I hungry for it now.
Praise God, for He is good and desires to come dwell among His people.
