Today I wrote more about what Cameron taught me. My next lesson from Cameron was on love, real love. So here's my ranting from earlier today on what I've gained from loving Cameron and Cameron loving me:
(Keep in mind this is cut and pasted from where I'm trying to plan to speak words aloud...)
Cameron was my first real love. I didn’t expect to come here
and fall in love when I started my time at CLUMC. Actually the contrary, I
asked God to hold off on that part of my life until I was done with my time in
seminary and serving here. I didn’t anticipate falling in love, but I’m so glad
I did. I was afraid to fall for someone,
afraid to let them that deep into my life, into my being. I was afraid, until I
met Cameron.
Cameron taught me so many incredible things, but what I will
hold onto the tightest and forever be thankful for Cameron was what he taught
me about real love. He taught me love is natural. I’ve always heard the phase “when you know
you know”. What I’ve found is that this is true; I know I knew because I was told
by the Father “that’s him”. It was so easy to fall for Cameron because that
first moment I saw him I felt God finally say, “that’s him”. It didn’t take
much, it wasn’t scary or confusing, falling in love with Cameron was natural
because we were following God’s lead. When God is the focus of our lives,
everything else falls into place effortlessly.
Cameron also taught me that love is hard, but it’s so worth
it. Loving anyone is hard, especially when you’re like me and didn’t really
fully know how to do it. But Cameron taught me what real love looks like. Real
love is selfless; real love requires you to think of the other person before
yourself, but that real love leads to the most joy; because real love is
finding happiness in someone else’s happiness. Cameron brought me joy beyond
joy simply through his smile, his laugh, and his happiness.
Cameron taught me that love is humble. Before I fell in love
with Cameron I always had this skewed idea that love required great actions to
show your love in big gestures. But I learned that real love is found in the
simplicity, real love is content with simply the presence of one another. It’s
found in the silence of words that don’t need to be spoken. Real love is
contentment with whatever circumstances you may find yourself in, as long as
you have the other person by your side.
Cameron taught me that love is worth the fight. It’s worth
enduring the pain and hardship of this world together, because love is bigger
than our circumstance. Cameron loved like Christ loved. He loved without bounds
and conditions. It defied rhyme or reason. There’s nothing I could have done to
escape it or lose it. This is how the Father loves, it’s boundless,
unconditional, inescapable, and unwavering. To be loved her on earth the way
Christ loves, there aren’t words enough to describe the feeling.
If I have gained anything it is this: to love a person the
way Christ does is the greatest gift you can give to one another. To be loved
in its purest, simplest form is to gain a little glimpse of heaven. I fell in
love with a man who gave that to me. Cameron loved me and taught me to love
myself better, to love other harder, and to love God above all else. I will
forever be blessed by his life.
I am changed because of who Cameron was and how he lived. My
soul longs for heaven a little bit more; my heart cries out to God a little bit
more, my joy is found in the unseen a little bit more. I choose to live into
that changed life, to reflect the Father’s love because of how I have been
loved. I want to glorify God with everything I do, I want to glorify God the
way Cameron glorified God.
So that's it for me tonight. Slightly lazy but it's been a bit of an emotionally taxing day. But I keep trying to remind myself it's all progress. Praying for sleep, peace, and comfort as well get closer to the memorial this Saturday.
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